5 keys to Healthy, Heart-led relationships

Whether it´s family, friends or your romantic beloved, how many of you haven’t experienced deep emotional pain due to relationships that, due to the passing of time (or too much time together!)

Peel back the bright shiny layers of the “perfect partnerships” and what is really beneath the surface? Do you know how many of your values are the same?

So how to begin?  Within yourself!

1 Start by exploring your own values: what are the qualities that are most important to you in relationships for them to feel good? What qualities do you need to have in your relationship, which are non-negotiable so that communication and enjoyment can flow?

List your values, write as many as you can, i.e.:  Honesty, Appreciation, Intimacy, Compassion, Listening, Support, Understanding*

2 Support and Understanding feature on most peoples’ lists and, yes, especially on the lists of parents where mothers are sleeping less and often feel they are giving much more and not being fully recognised as it is understood within our society to be part and parcel of motherhood! Yet times are changing, women are earning and contributing as much as men and men and women are wanting to have a new sense of equality in relationships, of mutual respect and appreciation, so how can you express your needs for support without sounding ´needy´?

Whether this is in a romantic partnership or in a business partnership, or a friendship where the pleasure has seeped away, and yes – strategy and care is vital here. Your partner may already feel that they are giving you as much support as they can, and may not know how further to support you.  So rather than bringing THEM down, by giving them feedback that focuses on what you perceive to be their faults…

3 Be sensitive and observant and focus first on showing them more appreciation for the good things  that they are already doing… recognise what you do already appreciate and express this to them, verbally (or in written format).  It is proven to work – that when you “Up the Gratitude” as much as you can, you WILL receive more of what you are appreciating!

Feeling appreciated is a basic (and fundamental) human need.  Don’t you feel more seen and heart and understood when you feel truly appreciated by somebody? So before introducing your fundamental values and essential further needs, do firstly recognise and appreciate the support that your friend or partner is already trying to give you. *

4 Be specific also be specific about HOW much support you need and in what form you need this support particularly.  i.e.: I need you to cook dinner twice per week when I am working full time so that I can relax when I get home and recuperate my energy.  Or, please can you have my son over for a playdate every 2 weeks so I can take time for myself.  Or it means a lot to me when I receive a call or a message to show you are thinking of me and understanding that I am going through a tough time.  Or… please can you take over this particular client account so I can focus on developing the marketing strategy.

 5 Reconnect to what you are in this relationship for and prioritise time to do NEW things – technology free!  What benefits are you both seeking? What do you ENJOY about each other’s company and unique qualities? We are ALL different and isn’t this what makes the world so wonderful and unique?   Write down the special and beautiful characteristics that attracted you to this relationship in the first place and keep taking time to purely enjoy each other’s company WITHOUT any responsibilities – even a 20 minute cup of iPhone and email free tea in a new cafe, where you can connect, heart to heart at a human level will inject new life and X factor into your relationship……  yes, we are ALL seeking that excitement and chemistry at some level…. keep it FRESH! and Enjoy.

For relationship coaching and for reconnecting with your needs in relationships, join a retreat like Harmonise, Nourish or Get Glowing or book a tailor-made romantic escape and let the magic of Ibiza infuse new sparkle and light @  info@ibizaretreats.com.

* http://nlp-now.co.uk/values-feelings-that-matter/